


Finding Lavellan

by Nugshavefeet



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood Magic, Elves, Family, Kidnapped, Love, M/M, Mages, OC, Rescue, Road Trips, Romance, Slavery, brother, mission, rogue - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8319217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nugshavefeet/pseuds/Nugshavefeet
Summary: The Inquisitor is given shocking news about a family member once thought dead. Lavellan goes on a journey to find out if it's true and if he can find the brother he once lost.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!!
> 
> So, my friends and I decided that we would make sure that we wrote something every 2 weeks, thus this was born. I'll try to post something every week. If not, it will be every 2 weeks, and hopefully I'll never need 3 weeks. 
> 
> I'm currently doing a MA in Writing for Children and just completed my BA Creative Writing degree. :P (Even if that doesn't show in my work). So posting Fan Fic every week isn't a big process for me, I'm not going to do drafts, correct mistakes or do massive edits. This is just me making sure I do some writing on the side of my course and my own personal writing. A way for me to express and to get some writing done without too much thinking. It's my writing exercise when I'm stuck on coursework or my own personal stories :P (Plus I LOVE dragon age)
> 
> [Of course, if you guys want to give feedback (good or bad or critical) then I'm more than welcome to have it. <3 ]
> 
> So I hope you enjoy what I end up giving you. <3 Lots of loves from me!!

The beast watched each step they took. It followed and it talked, oh how it talked, finding each insecurity, each failure and fault, flaunting it around like a piece of juicy gossip. It had already twisted and raped every ghost in his companion's memories. Digging up graves still wet with fresh soil. Finding mistakes that sat on the edge of every thought and haunted dreams.

He may have saved them from falling to their deaths by opening a rift, but he wished he had the ability to transport them back out. He could already feel the nerves inside him fraying. His companions seemed to be doing okay, though he was sure that The Iron Bull was about to smash anything in his path. Amir completely understood; magic and demons were not something he excelled in, and frankly, it scared him. It took him a long time to get used to the idea of friendly mages. Dorian was one of the first mages he befriended and that friendship was a tricky one at the start. And, the Fade was bringing out the worst of his fears, and magic didn't seem to settle the bees in his tummy. He didn't want to stay in this place long enough for the Nightmare to turn its attention on him. He cursed himself for the selfish thought, but resurfacing memories was not something Lavellan desired. He didn't know if he could be as strong as his fellow warriors.

“Amir Lavellan, the hero of the Inquisition?” Nightmare's laugh echoed throughout the Fade. Amir tried to hurry along, hoping that the exit was just around the corner. “A hero, is it? I wonder if your family would call you that?” The Inquisitor tried to focus on the task at hand; getting out alive. However, the increasing taunts and challenging demons grated against every nerve, it was getting hard not to get frustrated. He was normally the voice of optimism, but the strain of the Fade was slowly breaking him down. Amir caught Dorian looking at him, his eyes filled with concern. Only he knew the story of Amir's past. Not even Cassandra, his most trusted friend, or Josephine, a source of comfort, knew the truth. How life had been so different for him before, how that life had turned him into a coward. He couldn't tell them how he had failed, but it seemed that Nightmare wished to break that vow of silence. “Thought you could keep it a secret, did you?” Nightmare's voice trembled deep inside Amir's chest. He stumbled.

“Amatus, ignore it.” Dorian was next to him, holding him up by his arm. “You know that isn't true.” Amir pushed himself up onto his feet, though they shook terribly. He turned to the rest of his companions and they all mirrored the same look of curiosity and concern. It pinched at him inside, but this was not the time or place to reveal his ghosts.

“Let’s keep moving,” he patted Dorian's hand, though he almost felt the need to take it in his own, before he moved onward.

“Inquisitor-” Cassandra spoke up, her voice stern.

“I'm okay, I promise. It's nothing I haven't told myself.” He smiled a tight smile as he played the string on his bow. Cassandra continued to watch him, he could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head as he walked on. Though, the Nightmare wasn't done with them yet. He had one last resort left in his arsenal. Amir felt as though Nightmare had bent down and whispered into his ear. With its deep voice, it spoke.

“He's still alive.”

 

O.O.O.O.O

 

_He's still alive..._

_He's still alive..._

_He's still alive..._

Amir let those words swallow his world. They had escaped the Fade, though they lost Stroud. The guilt rode him hard, banishing him to his bed for days to recover. However, life has to go on and Amir had job to do. Mission after mission called for his attention. They were welcome distractions. But now the week had grown dull. The Grey Wardens were picking themselves back up, Hawk had returned to Kirkwall and those he took to the Fade were finally coming down from their shakes and nightmares.

Cassandra seemed troubled by meeting the spirit that called itself the Divine. The Iron Bull had her hit him with a stick, which Amir didn't understand how it could help. The worst was Dorian who decided throwing books at Solas was an appropriate coping method. It left their relationship tangled and strained. He knew he worried Dorian when he didn't follow him straight out of the Fade. They fought over it, but in the end they knew that this mess would soon blow over. Bigger and more dangerous adventures awaited them, and there would be more times where one of them might not make it. Amir decided to give Dorian space, or more, himself space. The mage had come to him many nights, questioning what Nightmare had said to him. His brother was alive... Amir shook his head clear. No. His brother was dead. He knew that, his family knew that they had lost him ten years ago. He couldn't be alive. Nightmare was a trickster, trying to warp his thoughts and destroy his mind. But then, why did Amir feel that the demon was right.

 “-oss.”

 Amir blinked as a gruff voice broke his attention away from the contents of his glass. Was something trying to speak to him?

 “Excuse me?” He cleared his voice as he looked at the grey figure sitting next to him. The Iron Bull stared at him with one eye, his mouth set in a line. When did he get there?

 “I asked if you wanted a drink with me and Chargers.” “What's the occasion?” Amir asked, pinching the space between his eyes. How long had he been sitting here? The sun had already set, and he had been sitting here since it was at its highest. His behind was sore and his eyes stung, sending a shock-wave of headaches his way. His drink was still and flat, long past its drinking age. The Iron Bull laughed, a big belly one, which didn't help Amir with his pressing headache.

 “We don't need a reason to drink! Living is a good enough reason!” He slapped Amir on the back, almost causing him to fall off his stool. “Ah, sorry Boss, forgot how fragile you elves are.”

 “It's a...yeah..okay.” Amir shook his head as he tried to pull himself back from the bar. However, a force pushed him back in. “Bull?” He stared at the Qunari, but he wasn't letting him push back away from the bar.

 “What's eating you, Boss? Still hung up on that demon crap?” The Iron Bull narrowed his eyes. Amir wondered if he had gotten over their traumatic events either. “You've been acting strange, even more than you elf folk normally do.”

“...It said something.” Amir remembered the voice clearly. It's deep timbre that grumbled inside his chest, causing bones to shake. 'He's still alive'. That's what it said. The words had been clinging to his every waking moment since. Hearing them had almost cost him his life. Demons attacked almost as soon as the last word had been spoken, and Amir had lost all sense. If it wasn't for Hawke, he wouldn't be alive right now.

 “About your a family member being alive. We all heard.” Bull had somehow managed to grab an ale of some-sort and was chugging it down.

 “Yeah.”

 “It was just demon crap. They spew out crap to make you feel crap and shit,” he said, looking back at Amir. “Although, we could always look into it. Break some necks, battle dragons, find lost family members. Same as all the other missions.” Amir couldn't tell if he was pulling his leg or not. But then he knew how important the Chargers were to Bull, and he was sure the Qunari would be all but ready to save them if they needed it.

 “I don't even know where to look. It was ten years ago, Bull. How could-...he's gone. I know it.” Amir sagged into his stool and flopped his head into his arms. Maybe the liquor was getting to him, or maybe it was just his thoughts.

 “But what if he's not, Boss? I don't like demons, they scared the shit out of me, but it knew things. Knew about your family.” Amir didn't move his head from his position, but he knew the large Qunari was staring at him. He understood why Bull was a leader, and why his merry band of warriors were so loyal to him, ready to jump at any order.

 “You think I should go out there and start looking? I did that. That's why I was at the Temple of Scared Ashes. This was my last search...I thought he must've died with everyone else at the Conclave." Amir rubbed at his eyes and let out a hard breath. He remembered seeing all those corpses, burnt and charred, frozen in time with black agony; imaging one of those as Amal. It was almost too much to bear. “And I can't just leave. I have my duties here.”

 “Sure you can.” The Iron Bull stood up, scraping his stool behind him. He grabbed the back of Amir's jacket and pulled him up. “Go grab the vint. We'll sneak out tonight. They won't know the difference.”

 “Bull! Put me down.” Amir scrambled to be put down. “And yes they would! You're a Qunari and I'm the Inquisitor. I think they'd notice if we went missing.” Amir was finally let down, but the big brute towered above him.

 “Come on, Boss. You can sit and drink your misery or go out and look.” He knew he was right. He knew that just sitting there wasting the days away was not going to help him, or is brother. He just hoped that this wasn't a wild chase or a trap. What if this led him straight to Corypheus? He would be leading his friends to their death. But, what if Amal was really alive? What if his brother was waiting out there for him?

 “Get a good night sleep, Bull. We leave the morning," Amir said.

 “Yes! That's how I like it, Boss!” The Bull flexed as he grunted. Amir didn't share Bull's excitement, but more a dreading feeling of guilt and fear stirring inside. He knew this journey would be harder than anything he's faced. Not even a dragon or Corypheus could be worse than this. Amir turned the Quanri as he nodded at the Inquisitor. “Nice chat, Boss,” he said before heading back towards the Tavern. “Don't forget to talk to the vint. You two are awfully loud with your arguing. Just bang and get it over with.” He laughed before disappearing into the Tavern. Amir's ears dropped as he looked up at the castle. He wondered whether Dorian would be in his room tonight, or whether he would have to go in search for him. He knew he would need Dorian with him. He needed his strength to get him through it.

 He sighed as he made it back toward the castle, past Varric at the fireplace. He headed towards his room. Dorian could be dealt with in the morning. He needed to clear his head with rest; for in the morning a rescue mission was about to start.


	2. Chapter 2

Dorian didn't know what possessed him to go to the Inquisitor's quarters. Some part of him maybe hoped for Amir to be here, another was glad that he wasn't.  He should have turned away when he saw the room vacant, but he couldn't make his feet move.          

Instead, he found himself one of the chairs he stole from the library and made himself at home. Not that he hadn't already done that. Numerous robes hung snugly next to Amir's rags that he called clothing. Books were neatly stacked next to the desk, and none of them belonged to Amir. The man found no pleasure in reading. Dorian suspected that was because he couldn't read, but he felt it was insensitive to ask. Though, he did hear rumours of Josephine giving the Inquisitor lessons in the matter of writing and reading.

Though, Dorian knew never to listen to gossips. If he did, he was a child murdering, blood mage from Tevinter plotting to kill the Inquisitor. Oh, how they'd love to be proven right. It made him chuckle. He was just glad that Amir never listened to the masses. Especially, given Amir’s history with mages.

He knew that the Inquisitor was weary of mages, but he didn't let that fear stop rationale thought. When choosing the Templars or mages, Amir conflicted with inner turmoil, picked the mages. He even had multiple mages in his tight companion group. Considering his history with them, Dorian was surprised that the Inquisitor was so open to work with them.

The first time they had met, he felt the slight hesitation from him. He kept staring at his staff as though he was about to use it on him. Dorian almost judge the Inquisitor there and then. A naïve man who believed what others told him about Tevinter. What else could he expect?

However, after their ordeal with time travelling to the future, things changed between them. Amir trusted him. And when others in his party did not, then Amir was there to back him up, to shield him from the taunts and rumours. Dorian could hardly believe it.

And now? He was courting the man. Oh, the shock that sent through Skyhold. Amir didn't batter an eyelash at any of the looks or whisperings. He just kept smiling like a love sick puppy. It was enough to make anyone sick, but then Dorian caught himself with the same expression.

And an unexpected trip into the Fade whisked that away. They were still pleasantly involved with each other, but Dorian could feel something unsettled in Lavellan. And he still hadn't quite forgiven him for not following him out of the Fade. However, he knew he couldn't be mad at the elf forever. He knew that Amir was troubled, and like any good partner he was going to be there for him.

Although, sleep seemed to steal his opening line to the Inquisitor. He didn't even notice that he had fallen asleep until he felt silken sheets laid on top of him. He winked an eye open to see two large brown eyes looking back at him.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.” Amir smiled as he patted down a stray hair that had frayed upwards.

“I'm rather upset that you found me while not looking my best.” Dorian smoothed out his own hair and moustache, making sure every hair was in its rightful place. He was just glad that he hadn't drooled. Now that would be undignified.

“You not looking your best? Is that even possible?” Amir's cheeks lifted as he puts his hands on his hips. 

“It's a rare occurrence, I assure you.” He winked as he pushed himself up from the chair. “Amatus...”

“Dor- Sorry. I just- I'm sorry for not following you. I'm sorry I dragged you through _that_ with me.” Amir stumbled over his words, his hands falling flat at his sides.

“Amir,” Dorian whispered as he pulled the elf towards the bed and sat them both down. “I'm sorry for being angry. I was completely entitled to it when it happened, but we have bigger fish to fry now. And we're both safe for now.” He pecked Amir's knuckles while looking him in the eyes. He knew that the Inquisitor could be hard of himself, and Dorian's constant fussing and worrying didn't help. But he was scared of the thought of losing him. Finally, he had found someone who wanted to stay with him...and possibly even love him. It was a fairy-tale brought to life. It was a whimsical thought, but as long as he didn't share it outright, then he was allowed to think it.

“I didn't think any of us were getting out,” Amir said, his voice grave.  Dorian had the same thought. It was a miracle that any of them made it through that mission. It was one disaster after the other. Though, no one could've guessed they would be thrown into the Fade. It was a nightmare that no one ever thought was possible. Sometimes Dorian thought he had dreamt the ordeal, but there was something inside him that was shaken by it. It had happened, they had all been there, and they had almost died. It made him wonder what goodies the next mission held for them? Maybe this time he'd let someone else go. Though, he knew it was a ludicrous idea. He'd never stop worrying if the idiot (that being Amir) would come back alive.  Better for him to go and make sure nothing killed him.

He gazed back at the elf. He could see the gears working behind those brown eyes. He knew there was a bigger matter Amir had yet to bring up. Maybe he hoped if he ignored it, it would go away. It was something sometimes Dorian wished on certain subjects concerning home.      

“Something on your mind, Amatus?” Dorian inched closer. He remembered a similar scene before. Although, it started with a much more fun beginning, (and they were naked.) When they had first become something more than fawning and bed-rolling. He didn't think this was going to end the same way.

“Bull thinks we should search for my brother.” Amir stared out at the balcony ahead of them.      

“And what do you think?” Dorian knew about Amir's past. Being the Inquisitor had its troubles and stressors, and despite being one of the most level head and rationale men Dorian had ever met, Amir was still human. He had his fair share of nightmares, as anyone would with the amount of weight on his shoulders. Each time would be a new dream of old horrors colliding with the new and current ones. It was during one of their visits to Fallow Mire, which supposedly didn't help, that Dorian had his first sneak peek into Amir's history.

He knew that he blamed himself for everything that happened. It was a common tale among elves, but it was a rich, agonising pain for each of them who shared a similar past. It was something Dorian would never know, not that he didn't have his own tragic story, but it was a different kind of pain. One that he could help Amir through, he hoped.        

“I don't know if my brother is really out there, but if he is, I'd rather be looking for him than sat here.” Amir nodded firmly as he looked at Dorian. He smiled at the elf.          

“Then count me included in this endeavour,” he said, sliding his fingers into Amir's hand. “You were there for...well, my father's uninvited meeting with me. I can't well pass up the chance to repay you back now, can I?”         

“Thank you, Dorian.” Amir moved closer, pressing his lips against Dorian's. He pulled the elf closer to him and ran his fingers into the back of his thick, black locks.        

“Anytime, Amatus.”

           


	3. Chapter 3

Amir realised pretty soon that he had brought the wrong pair on a secret mission. Sneaking out of Skyhold before the sun had even woken up should have been easy. The common soldier would not question the Inquisitor leaving base so early in the morning. It was common practise. However, any of their close companions would think twice about it. Normally, there would be a meeting about said mission they were about to embark on, a rally of who’s going and preparations. However, Amir had no time for any of this. He definitely didn’t have time for bickering children. 

“Oh, would you move, you big lug! No one can see around or over you,” Dorian huffed for the seventh time in seven minutes. 

“If I am at the front, then no one can see you two behind me. They will think I am just out for a walk,” Iron Bull argued as they approached the castle’s gates. Amir was ready to turn around and call for a meeting. Maybe it would be easier to do this under the book. It may take longer, and the council may disagree on him going in search for a possible fairy-tale, but anything had to be better than this. “And don’t argue that the view isn’t great, Dorian.” Iron Bull sniggered as he continued to lead the way. 

“I can definitely say that.” Dorian scoffed, waving his staff about. Amir had to grab the staff and pull it back from the mage. 

“Dorian, no magic. We don’t want to cause a scene.” Amir frowned, as he handed it back to Dorian. 

“Causing a scene?! I wouldn’t be if our view wasn’t blocked by a grey wall of Bul-“ 

“What is going on here?” A sharp voice cut through the arguing, it was like a wolf’s howl among sleeping sheep. They all turned and saw Cassandra with her arms crossed and her famous frown already in place. 

“Ah, Cassandra. What a glorious night we’re having, isn’t it?” Dorian’s voice was charming; it soothed at the right places and lifted when needed. However, it had no effect on the Seeker. She was immune to his smooth words. 

“Inquisitor.” She turned her gaze to Amir, who popped out from behind Iron Bull. “Explain.”

Being Inquisitor was a position of power. It took a long time for Amir to realise that he was indeed these people's boss, and that was only pushed further when Iron Bull continuously called him 'Boss'. However, his position, like Dorian's charm, did not phase the Seeker. In reality of their friendship, Cassandra was definitely in charge. 

Amir looked at the other two for help before deciding that lying to Cassandra was probably worse than just admitting the truth. Though, he knew a lecture would soon be on hand. 

“We're going to search for my brother.” Amir's voice wobbled slightly, his normally calm demeanour slowly slipping away. She had the power to make him feel like a child with a hand in the cookie jar. 

Cassandra's scowl receded and was replaced by something softer. 

“Ah, I see.” Amir didn't know whether she believed in what the Nightmare had said. Nor did he. He wondered if she was about to march them back into the castle, and report to Cullen that his men need to do a better job of guarding the castle. “Does Leliana know about this?”

“Probably, but we didn't tell her. Her crows have been watching us, so I suspect that she does,” he said, watching as one of the crows cocked its large, black head before flying off towards the castle. 

“So this is not an official mission?” Cassandra crossed her arms. Amir thought it was then he was to be sent to his room like a disobedient child. The Seeker sighed as she closed the gap between them, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Then I will help you, my friend. You helped me when my family were in trouble, it is only fitting that I do the same.” Cassandra's voice was soft and gentle as she squeezed his bicep. It took a lot of cheek biting to stop his eyes filling up with tears.

“You're serious?” Dorian asked, his moustache twitching. 

“I am always serious, Dorian.” And just like that, her voice returned to its sharper tone. Amir almost felt the need to hug her right there and then, but he was sure that he would lose his head at such affection. Maybe that was for more private moments. He was sure he didn't need any more rumours spreading about his love life. Having a Tevinter lover was enough to keep the gossip flowing. 

“We may want to get going.” Iron Bull insisted, nodding towards the sun peaking through the mountains.

“Right.” Cassandra nodded before she headed towards the dummy she trained on. Next to it lay a trunk. The Seeker opened it and pulled out her travelling bag, and then marched back. “Are we going or not?” She asked, her brow furrowed.

“You keep your travelling back out here?” Amir asked.

“Yes. Why should I not? It is there for emergencies.” Cassandra answered back. Amir didn't know why he bothered asking. Of course the Seeker had supplies ready at all times. When was Cassandra not ready for battle?

Amir nodded to his squad and approached the stables. The mounts were quietly sleeping, only the odd snoring from the battle nugs could be heard. He headed straight for the closest stall that housed his mount, who had woken to the sound of her rider. 

Amir placed a hand against his Hart, a beautiful red coat and a large set of antlers. 

“Ready for another adventure, Rabi?” Amir asked, ruffling the fur sprouting from between her ears. She trumpeted back, but no one in Skyhold would be alerted by that. They were already used to the loud baying calls of a Hart. They weren't the subtlest of creatures.

“She holds such a lovely tune,” Dorian remarked, his nose wrinkled together. Rabi and Dorian were not the best of friends. Too many bumpy rides that ended with Dorian in the dirt. 

“She's really lovely if you give her the chance.” Amir gave him a quick smile before slinging the saddle onto her back. 

“I'd rather take my chances with a dragon,” Dorian said as he climbed aboard his own mount, an Imperial Warm-blood. “Anyway, they are far too flashy. People should be looking at me, not my mount.” Dorian teased as he led his mare out of the stable.

Flashy wouldn't be the word to cross Amir's mind. Striking or eye-catching would be a better term. No horse could compare to a hart's beauty, no matter the pedigree. It defiantly drew Amir to the animal. But it also had another reason. No one else in his squad had their own hart, they all bore sturdy horses. Thus, it painted a lovely target on Lavellan's back. Those who were after them, those who wished to bring harm to the Inquisitor would know what mount to aim at. That was Amir's tactic. If there was a chance to keep the arrows and knives away from his friends, then he would take it. He knew that there was a pressure to keep him alive, for he was the only one who could close the rifts, but it was a simple diversion to keep his friends safer. 

Plus, the hart was always on the look out for danger, much more than it's fellow mount mates. Any disturbance the hart would be the first to know and warn the others. 

He jumped up onto the saddle and drove Rabi out into the court yard of Skyhold and towards the main gates. A single soldier was stationed there, but he hid his head down when Cassandra gave him her famous glare. Maybe it was for the best that they brought her. Cullen's men knew better than the challenge the Seeker. 

The gates slowly raised up raining with snow. Amir drew a scarf over his head as the breeze tickled against the tips of his large elven ears. The mountains were beautiful and lined with soft grey clouds. It was a view that Amir had grown to love; he felt like he was a bird in the sky. 

And now he was leaving it behind. He looked back at the castle that had become his home and all those that had become his family. He didn't know when he'd be back, or if the castle would still be standing if he still returned. The anchor had taken so much from him. Though it had given a lot, he still felt like his life was controlled by it. Now was the chance to do something he wanted, needed to do. 

“I'll be back. I promise.”


	4. Chapter 4

The silence was unnerving. The normal chatter of his companions usually filled the journey with laughter. It soothed him when he knew they were about to face something that could potentially kill them all. It was a sense of normality when everything else was falling apart. The quips, the laughs, the sarcasm, it was a bundle of who could make the other person tick. It soon blossomed into understand each other and became a chance to relive moments of their lives and share them with those around them. 

But now the taste of the air was stale. The natural world was their soundtrack. Every track was the same rustle of the wind as it brushed against the snow tipped mountains. At first it was a welcome distraction from the wild thoughts that crossed his mind. But soon he numbed to it. Left it behind as background noise. 

It left him with the sounds of crunching snow under heavy hooves. And with that, the constant reminder of his friend's curiosity.

Dorian was the only one he had ever told about his past. After travelling to the future with the man, Amir felt that he could almost tell him everything. And he did. It was a new step in their relationship. Amir knew that Dorian had, unwillingly, let him into some secrets of his past. His life growing up gay under his father's mantle and disappointment. So he was willing to reveal his own secrets, his own tragic tale that so many elves could recount. 

He remembered feeling like a cliché in a story book. Every elf had a story about some human that had hurt them, in his mind at least. He had hid under his blanket, though the darkness of the tent left it so that he couldn't see Dorian anyway. He felt Dorian's hand slip under the sheet and link his fingers with his own. 

The morning came with a new lightness to his body. He hoped giving some of it to Dorian didn't weigh him down too much. They both had their own share of problems, he didn't know how much either of them could take. 

But what if he spread the weight. What if those he held closest, those of who he trusted, those who followed him, what if they knew? Would it be so bad? Would they really look at him in a different light? He didn't want them walking around him like eggshells. Or worse, he didn't want them to think him unfit to run the Inquisition. He had already lost so much, he couldn't bear to lose this new life and new family he had tried so hard to get.

“You want to know, don't you?” He asked, almost spooking his companions out of their silence.

“Inquisitor, if you do not wish to tell us-” Cassandra said, gently. 

“No, I do. I-How can you trust me if you don't know a single thing about my past?” He rubbed his face with a hand. 

“You do not know my past, nor Dorians, nor The Iron Bull's, but yet you would put your life into our hands, yes?” She had a point. He only knew a faction of their past, and most of the time it was revealed through mistake or by someone else's hand.

Amir sighed. 

He tossed the idea back and forth in his mind. Cassandra had said it right there and then, he didn't have to tell them his past. He could keep it close and locked away. But at the same time, maybe the beast needed to be freed. Needed to be away from the cage and taste freedom. Would the truth lift something deep inside of him?

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

Amir looked down and saw the furrowed brow of his mother. She held his hand tight, the other clutching another child into her chest. He could see the soft rising of the child's chest to know he was asleep. Of course Amal would be asleep. His brother could sleep through anything. 

A scarf wrapped around his head and neck, covering his elongated ears. They were soft and stitched with patterns of every shape. His mothers work. He had always wanted one growing up, watching her tie it around her head, covering her elven features and hair. She, of course, had always let him, but he felt nervous wearing something that meant a lot to his mother. Now that he had one finally wrapped around him...it didn't fill the excitement that he thought it would have.

He looked down at his sleeping brother, who, too, had a scarf wrapped around his head. His little hands clutched the material, bundling it up at the front. 

“Mamae, where are we going?” Amir looked back at the grand house. There were no lights, nothing to indicate that there was life inside. He turned back to his mother and saw her sadden smile. It was stretched and thin. 

“We can't stay here any longer. I won't let that wicked shem hurt you and Amal anymore,” her words quivered and trembled as she tightened her grip on Amal, who still slept soundly. 

Amir would be lying if he said he never saw his mother worry before. With their life being held by the chain of a shem, they didn't have much not to worry about. Tip-toeing through every decision, every action and chore, whatever they did to just stay invisible. Drawing attention was too risky, too life-threatening. Amir had had his fair shares of the Lady's fascination. She plucked her fancies and whisked them away for days at a time. When they came back, if they did, they were changed. Amir remembered those nights that now haunted his dreams. 

But he ignored his own fears, his own plagued thoughts. Kept them secret from all, including his mother. They grew and grew, but he brushed them away, pushed them under. No matter how much they grew, even if they 

His mother and him could plough through the hardest of times, but when the Lady's eyes fell upon Amal, neither he or his mother could allow. 

Together, they walked towards the wall that cut them off from the outside world. They climbed on top and looked down at the gaping black river below. Amir's toes curled around the edge of the wall. It was a long way down. The water below gently blew in the wind, but he knew stories of other slaves jumping into it and were never seen again. Could they survive this? He almost took a step back.

“Amir.” His mother's voice broke the strange feeling of fleeing back into the manor. “We can go back. If we do this, we do it as a family.” She kissed the skin across his knuckles and pulled him close to her.

He looked down at the black water. If it worked, they would be free from their master. They could start a new life. Live among man as equals or join the elves of legends in the woods. He had heard so many stories from his mother's time in the clan. She was only young, nor me than a babe, but she remembered the stories, remembered what it was like to feel the wind and grass beneath her feet.

Amir wanted that. He didn't want the only feeling to be cold shackles on his ankles. 

“I'm ready, Mamae.” He squeezed her hand one last time and took a deep breath. 

And jumped.


End file.
